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EXCERPTS
FROM A DOG'S DIARY
Day
180
8:00
am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY
FAVORITE!
9:30
am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY
FAVORITE!
9:40
am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY
FAVORITE!
10:30
am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY
FAVORITE!
11:30
am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY
FAVORITE!
12:00
noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY
FAVORITE!
1:00
pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY
FAVORITE!
4:00
pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY
FAVORITE!
5:00
pm - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY
FAVORITE!
5:30
pm - OH BOY! MOM! MY
FAVORITE!
Day
181
8:00
am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY
FAVORITE!
9:30
am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY
FAVORITE!
9:40
am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY
FAVORITE!
10:30
am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY
FAVORITE!
11:30
am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY
FAVORITE!
12:00
noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY
FAVORITE!
1:00
pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY
FAVORITE!
4:00
pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY
FAVORITE!
5:00
pm - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY
FAVORITE!
5:30
pm - OH BOY! MOM! MY
FAVORITE!
Day
182
8:00
am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY
FAVORITE!
9:30
am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY
FAVORITE!
9:40
am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY
FAVORITE!
10:30
am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY
FAVORITE!
11:30
am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY
FAVORITE!
12:00
noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY
FAVORITE!
1:00
pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY
FAVORITE!
1:30
pm - OOOOOOOH. BATH.
BUMMER!
4:00
pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY
FAVORITE!
5:00
pm - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY
FAVORITE!
5:30
pm - OH BOY! MOM! MY
FAVORITE!
EXCERPTS
FROM A CAT'S DIARY
DAY
183
My
captors continue to taunt me with
bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat,
while I am forced to eat dry
cereal. The only thing that keeps
me going is the hope of escape,
and the mildsatisfaction I get
from ruining the occasional piece
of furniture.
Tomorrow
I may eat another
houseplant.
DAY
184
Today
my attempt to kill my captors by
weaving around their feet while
they were walking almost
succeeded, must try this at the
top of the stairs. In an attempt
to disgust and repulse these vile
oppressors, I once again induced
myself to vomit on their favorite
chair ... must try this on their
bed.
DAY
185
Decapitated
a mouse and brought them the
headless body, in attempt to make
them aware of what I am capable
of, and to try to strike fear
into their hearts. They only
cooed and condescended about what
a good little cat I was ... Hmmm.
Not working according to
plan.
DAY
186
I
am finally aware of how sadistic
they are. For no good reason I
was chosen for the water torture.
This time however it included a
burning foamy chemical called
"shampoo." What sick minds could
invent such a liquid. My only
consolation is the piece of thumb
still stuck between my
teeth.
DAY
187
There
was some sort of gathering of
their accomplices. I was placed
in solitary throughout the event.
However, I could hear the noise
and smell the foul odor of the
glass tubes they call "beer".
More importantly I overheard that
my confinement was due to MY
power of "allergies." Must learn
what this is and how to use it to
my advantage.
DAY
188
I
am convinced the other captives
are flunkies and maybe snitches.
The dog is routinely released and
seems more than happy to return.
He is obviously a half-wit. The
bird on the other hand has got to
be an informant, and speaks with
them regularly. I am certain he
reports my every move. Due to his
current placement in the metal
room, his safety is
assured.
But
I can wait, it is only a matter
of time...
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